7 Things Bollywood Movies Taught Us About Travel

Bollywood movies are great at many things. Like all-occasion dancing seasons, superhuman fighting styles that can immobilize drunken rhinos rampaging at full speed, but most importantly, convincing us that the best way into a girl’s heart is by abducting her and yelling the henna off her until she realizes you’re her one true louwe.

Sometimes, Bollywood does commit the great sin of making sense. But then it reverts to the good old ways, lets Uday Chopra act in one more film, and breathes a sigh of relief as the Force is restored.

Now, read this list. And promise you’ll never dance in front of the Eiffel Tower wearing violet trousers, okay? Okay.

1. Remarkable Things Happen Inside Trains

Wait, when? Jab We Met, Bachna Ae Haseeno, DDLJ Welcome to Ridiculously Amazing Bollywood Express. Press ‘Romance’ to be stuck in a locked carriage with Kajol.

Press ‘Full Circle’ to enter endless limbo of missing and catching trains. Press ‘LOL’ to find yourself in unexpected gunfight with MLA’s rowdy gangster son.

2. Bare-back sari: Recommended Wear For Mountains

Wait, when? Mohabbatein, Dil Toh Pagal Hai, Darr

Bollywood movies do not believe in the phenomenon of hypothermia. Or heatstrokes. Or any nature-related inconvenience.

According to them, Indians are tough-leather, all-weather uber-beasts who can rock sheepskin sweaters in the Kalahari Desert and still do the cha-cha with grace enough to put Shakira to shame.

Oh, and speaking of mountains...

3. When In Doubt, Dance…

Wait, when? Do you really have to ask? Angry? Dance.​

 

Happy? Dance.

 

Bought a new lungi?

 

Invite Honey Singh over and dance.

4. …And Foreigners Will Join In

Wait, when? Kal Ho Naa Ho, Hum Tum, Kabhi Khushi Kabhi Gam Well, that just goes without saying, doesn’t it?

 

5. Road Trips With Buddies End Up With Everyone Finding His/Her Soulmate

Wait, when? Dil Chahta Hai, Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara

There’s no question about it. It just has to happen.

If Bollywood had its way, our road trips with buddies would surpass discovered levels of epicness, presumably ending with one of us getting punched by Preity Zinta’s fiancé.

 

6. Indian Dude > Foreign Dude (Any Day)

Wait, when? Namastey London, Hero No. 1 Imagine, if you will, that you’re in Ireland. It’s a bright sunny day and you’re ambling down a lonely mountain road, when you come across this guy:

Ditch him. Akshay Kumar is standing around the next bend, waiting to charm the Chandni Chowk out of you.

7. And If You’re Salman Khan, Bhai, Take That Shirt Off

In UAE

 

…and Bangkok

 

…and Patiala